Sometimes, I forget just how easy it is to be good to your body. Most of the time, when I see all of the tasty treats at the bakery, or the cookies that I'm making for people, or just carbs in general, I never really take a minute to think about what my life would be like without them. Or even, when I do think about it, there's only ever negative connotations to the thoughts.
And part of this is because I know I'm carb sensitive. Carbohydrates, particularly starchy ones (you know, all the best ones?) are my downfall. Chicken? It's okay. Steak? Sure, I love a good medium rare hunk of moo every now and then. Salad? If it has the right fixin's on it, I'm in love.
. . . But pasta? Bread? Potatoes (particularly mashed)? I could sit and eat my body weight in them and not give it a second thought. Some people out there think I'm joking when I say that.
I'm Italian. I have spaghetti as bones and marinara sauce as blood. My brain is a giant meatball and my organs are a variety of cheeses, vegetables and salami from the public market. And somewhere tossed in there are some friggin' delicious sweet green peaches that I never figured out the name of before I left Florence.
They say a serving size of pasta is a half cup. Like. A half cup of elbow macaroni. I typically double that. I just love pasta that much.
So. The thought of giving up my precious pasta for any given amount of time just seems like it's going to be the worst period of my life ever. Now. I need to make a note here: Pasta is not the enemy. Carbs are not the enemy. I will never look at someone eating a giant bowl of shrimp primavera or spaghetti with bolognese and just mentally shun them. In fact, I will always do just the opposite.
For me, carbs are the enemy. Unless I'm actively making an effort to work out, and really tracking what I eat . . . then I'll eat a bowl of spaghetti and gain 5 pounds the next morning. It's so sad.
Whenever I make a genuine effort to change though . . . I never seem to regret it. I'm back to the 17 day diet thing again, which is scary, but I'm on day 2, and I just . . . feel so much better. Already. Not to mention I've cut almost all regular dairy out of my diet. I don't drink regular milk anymore. I'm starting to learn the joy of soy yogurt . . . the only thing I really eat anymore that's animal milk based is cheese.
Side note: did you know that lactose intolerance is actually what's supposed to happen to our bodies, and that a bajillion generations (maybe a bit excessive) ago we actually genetically built up a tolerance to milk? Someone informed me of that at the bakery the other day. I found it quite fascinating. And it's also really reassuring to know I'm not a freak. Too much dairy doesn't like me very much.
Starting the diet again though was absolutely terrifying. I've been trying the whole gambit of things for quite some time now, trying to rapidly lose weight so I could get down to the size I was when I met Nate. Everything I tried was pretty much the worst idea I've ever had. I did some pretty stupid stuff, even though I knew better. Some of it, even though it isn't society's standard idea of "girl who just refuses to eat," even bordered on the clinical side of anorexia. Never bulimia though. I like my food way too much to try that. I'd just only eat one meal a day, and try to substitute eating with other things, like drinking protein shakes and smoothies and stuff. Definitely wasn't getting the calories I needed throughout the day.
Finally though, I had a wonderfully brilliant idea. And for some reason, whenever I want to lose weight, I always need a reason. Not just for myself, but something to be my best for. It happened when I really wanted to lose weight for my Sailor Moon costume for Tora-Con 2012. This time, as I was sitting on the couch one night playing Final Fantasy XIII, I had a wonderfully, brilliantly, amazing idea.
I want to go to Tora-con 2014 as one of the characters from the game. The catch? She basically wears a bikini and a fur sarong:
Her name is Oerba Dia Vanille, but in the game she just goes by Vanille (Vah-neel). She's such a bubbly and bright character, and I've always just adored her. I feel like if I ever was a character from Final Fantasy XIII, I would most definitely be her.
But you see all that skin? Right now, I could never pull this off. At least, I strongly feel like I couldn't. So I have just over 1 year to get myself to a size that I'm comfortable in that outfit in.
I have a pretty solid plan to work with, and I've set monthly baby goals, in hopes that if I can just hit each little one, the thought of taking the majority of the weight off won't be so daunting. I'm not scared anymore. I'm also not complacent anymore. I've made anklets, just little braided bits of emobroidery floss, and have tied them in a knot. For every day (for a total of one 17 day cycle) that I'm good on my diet, I get to cut one off. It may seem silly, but it gives me some kind of reward at the end of the day.
2012 was an amazing year. I met the love of my life. I learned so much about friendship. I recovered from my darkest days. I connected with a new side of myself that opened a door to a whole new group of friends.
2013 has barely started, and I can just feel it's going to be even better. <3
