Oh, hey scale. Nice of you to join the party!

Officially broke 160 today. :)

Granted, by .4 pounds, but I'm officially under 160. Which is awesome, because honestly, for a while there, I was getting pissed. Not at myself, because I knew I was working so damn hard and my body was visibly changing, but at the fact that the numbers just weren't matching how I was feeling. I mean. I can't be 5'4", work out for 4 weeks straight, look like I'm losing weight and still weigh the same. 

Good news is, I don't. :)

I read a post on Tumblr (get used to that, I'm addicted) that it takes four weeks for your body to start showing progress of the steps you've been taking. Well. I think that may very well be true. Hahaha. Like I said in my last post, my back is slimming out, my collarbones are really starting to pop, and honestly? I like the way I look in my undies WAY better than I like how I look clothed. Hahaha. 

Things are just starting to look tighter. Not so "Oh, hey, I look like a lump of lard." And one of the biggest problems that I'm dealing with right now is pants. The pair of jeggings that I normally go by have a higher waist that fit my stomach really well when I first got them and was upwards of 170. Now that I'm 159 and shrinking . . . they don't like to stay in place. Which inevitably means they like to slip, ever so annoyingly, just below my stomach, making it hang over my pants a bit. 

Now. I know that when I'm not wearing these jeggings, and I'm in yoga pants or in my undies . . . this isn't a problem. I suppose when they straight up fall off my butt, it's time for new pants, and I'm just gonna have to deal with it for now. 

One of the downfalls of losing weight: clothes not fitting right anymore and actually making you look far worse than you look/feel. Hahaha. 

So. Yeah. I'm on much better terms with my scale now. :)

Oh, the beauty of working out.

It's kinda funny how hyper-aware of yourself you become when you're on a weight-loss journey. I mean, I've always been really aware of how I carry myself, and how my body moves. Now though . . . Now I'm like, super-DUPER aware of how things move.

Because of this, I'm actually really excited about taking progress shots tonight. I normally take them every Friday or Saturday, but I've kinda been chompin' at the bit to take this batch. Wanna know why?

Because I can see changes. Finally. I mean, I always knew they were happening, but I'm finally starting to see things. All week long, I've felt extraordinarily . . . compact. Maybe not super fit, but I definitely feel like things don't jiggle nearly as much as they used to. My belly specifically. Things just feel smoother, and more toned. Go me!

I also noticed today that my back is smoothing out quite significantly.

And. The kicker?

You know how I'm slightly obsessed with collar bones? Well. They're back, in all of their glory, but that's nothing too entirely new. The new part is the little divot between the collar bones. On me, they've kinda just looked like this the entire time: ------     -------

Now? They're sloooowly starting to look like this: ------ u ------

I mean. For the most part, it just depends on what lighting you catch them in and how I sit, but I'm so excited. Those are the only bones I ever want to be visible. Everything else needs a nice layer of muscles and a liiiiittle layer of fat to protect them. M'kay? M'kay.

The only frustrating bit is that even though I can physically see my body changing, the scale is still stagnant. I already know that it's nothing for me to fret over, because the scale doesn't track progress, it just weighs everything and I've been at this for four weeks now. Progress is evidently happening. So my scale can suck it.

I've been drinking water like a beast, eating ample amounts of fruits, veggies and protein, and I've even been adding some regular carbs back in - a piece of toast here or a little bit of pasta there.

Basically, I'm trying to stay eating as green and lean as humanly possible, while reminding myself that if I deny myself things, it's only going to lead to binging. So. No denying, just eating little bits here and there.

Anywho. Finishing up work. Then heading home to work out. So much happy in my life right now.

And thank god for tumblr keeping me constantly motivated. <3

I'll never go back.

People say not to look at old pictures of yourself, because you're supposed to forget the past.

I look back at my old pictures and think, "Damn, girl. Look at how far you've come."

<3

The awful truth of the panniculus.

Wtf is that, right? I mean . . . sounds like some horrible disease, right?

Well. In reality, it's actually not as bad as it sounds, but is something that I, myself have been dealing with ever since I can remember. 

Most girls that I know of dream of having this flat, tight, smooth belly that looks just like the Hollywood stars. For most of the girls I know, it's also achievable. For me though . . . I've always wondered if it was possible, due to this . . . panniculus thing.

Before a few weeks ago, I honestly just thought it was called "extra flab on the stomach," or as I have so cruelly come to name mine: "sub-chunk."

Panniculus is basically excessive fat that actually hangs over and actually can even (if it hangs low enough, and isn't cleaned properly) lead to ulcers on the skin. Thankfully, mine isn't anywhere near that, but never the less, it's something that has always kept me from running around in a string-cut panty, and has always left me incredibly self conscious.

Believe it or not, it's pretty much been where most of my self-loathing stemmed from. I always thought to myself "who the hell is going to want to look at that?" 

For the longest time, thanks to the media, I honestly thought that the only way to get rid of it was through surgery, and what 13 year old girl wants to live her life thinking that the only way she can be happy with herself is to go under the knife? 

Thanks to the growing interest in health and fitness online, though, I've been able to learn that surgery is not the only way to make it go away. 

Wanna know what will?

Determination. Willpower. Exercise. Eating right. Lots of water.

That's right. Everything that I've been doing, will actually make it go away. I've heard it could take a very long time to do it, but hey, I'm in it to win it.

So, coming from a girl who has been dealing with hating her body since she was an adolescent . . . please, reassure the ones you love that giving up and succumbing to the media isn't the only option. Hope is always there if you have the drive to reach your goals. Support them, love them, do everything you can in your power to make their mission a little easier. It really does help.

<3

Wow. Just. Wow. (Good wow)

I legitimately just spent about a half an hour on tumblr. Which, for me, is big, because I'm not a tumblr person. But, just for shits and giggles, I decided I'd create a new "thinspo" tumblr to keep me going. Let's face it, this past week as been pretty shitty. I see differences, but the scale doesn't, and unfortunately, I've been getting really down on myself about it all. 

Being on tumblr today though, looking through the "FITspo" (new term I'm adopting, rather than thinspo), made me realize something.

Part of losing weight isn't just about going through the motions and doing everything right. You also have to be in the right mindset, which I haven't been. I started out there, sure, but as the weeks start to pass, I'm getting more and more critical about everything that I do and eat. Which of course is only stressing me out, which in turn makes the weight linger. 

So, I'm not gonna go there anymore. I'm not going to get on my scale every morning (yeah, yeah, I know. I shouldn't, but I'm a little obsessed) and hate myself for supposedly gaining a pound. My scale and me? We're gonna see some other people. Do some other things, and we'll see each other once a week. That's it. In between, I'm going to feel the way my body tells me to feel. 

My jeans? They're getting looser. Almost by the day. I'm developing a case of what I like to call "saggy-ass," where the ass of my jeans just . . . sags, and no longer holds the position of where my butt actually is.

And I'm going to stop beating myself up over having a small piece of lasagna, or sushi every few days or so. Something that I honestly forgot is that one pound is the equivalent to 3500 calories. There's no way that a small piece of lasagna and 500 calories worth of sushi is making me gain the mystery weight. Evidently, my body is reacting to something else, and it's not a matter of not doing anything right, it's a matter of my body just saying "Oh, hey, today? Yeah. Just avoid the scale, trust me, you don't wanna see that number, but I'm okay! Really!"

Also? Water. Water, water, water. It's a beautiful substance that I don't drink nearly enough of. I've started carrying my water bottle around with me almost everywhere that I go. The problem is, I almost always either leave it in my bag, or on the desk, and don't touch it. I'm just never thirsty.

However. I noticed on Tumblr - every time I saw something about drinking water . . . I drank some water. My water bottle is now almost empty, and I've peed twice since starting work at 9:00 this morning. Lots of water + lots of trips to the bathroom = flushing out lots of toxins. Go. Me. I'm officially going to post more things around the office about drinking water, making sure that I actually do it. 

So. Here's an augmentation to my New Years resolution: It's not just about losing weight. It's about feeling good. It's about thinking yourself fit. I will not get on the scale every morning and beat myself up over numbers. I will go by what my body and my clothes start to tell me.

That being said, bring it on, bitches.

Today, my butt smiled at me.

Yes. You read that right. And here's the explanation:

I have this habit, when I work out, of going over to my mirror occasionally to see if I carry myself differently after I do certain exercises. They say that doing core workouts is supposed to give you better posture and such.

Well. I turned around to see how my overall body progress was going, and yes, I looked at my ass. See. The thing is. For a very long time, the shape of my butt looked very similar to this: (_|_) - very flat on the bottom. Unless I was in jeans. 

Today, though, I actually noticed that where my butt met my thighs wasn't flat anymore. And this was in yoga pants. Today, my butt actually looked somewhat like a normal butt. I'd even go as far as to say it's turning into an "apple bottom." Oh yeah. Went there.

Too much talk about butts?

Sorry. I'm excited. I told you progress was happening! Stair-stepping is definitely doing the glutes some good. :D

Also, I know I said once a week, but evidently . . . the more excited I am, the more I'm gonna post stuff. Hahaha. Until next time!

The beginning of the end!?

Whelp. New year brings about new changes, as well as the reminder that my days of hiding behind the educational system and avoiding the real world is about to come to an end. Luckily, being in a place of good mind, and getting better, I actually don't feel too bad about it. A little spooked, but not really.

Being 16 days into the new year also means I'm only 1 day away from completing the first 17 days of my diet. I have to do a little more reading (because I forgot) about what comes next. I know I can eat more starchy veggies, like squash, and a little bit of slow-digesting carbs, but I don't remember which ones.

As far as progress goes, it's actually been really minimal, or at least, that's what the scale as been telling me. I'm still, supposedly, at 161 (says the new digital scale that I bought the other day), but definite changes can be seen on my body. My hips are more slender, my torso is more slender - so perhaps it's muscle being gained? My workout consists of 20 minutes of stair-stepping cardio, around 20 wide pushup, 20 tricep pushups, 20 pikes on the yoga ball, 50 crunches, 25 bicep curls, about 15 lateral raises, and about 25 mason twists . . . so, I dunno.

It also doesn't help that the old scale got to the point where it was so inacurate that there was a 5 pound difference in a matter of 30 seconds. For all I know, I was closer to the 170 range when I started, and now I'm down to the 160 range. Who knows. All I do know is that I officially have a scale with nice big digital numbers that is now telling me "OH. HEY. Your butt? 161. Sorry to disappoint."

Faith has not been lost, by any means, just a minor bit of disappointment. Like I also said, visible changes are happening. Numbers are just different than I expected them to be.

So, though the first 17 days almost is officially over and the scale says I haven't made any progress, working out will continue to happen at least 5 days a week (Monday and Thursday I have work/class from 9:00am to 10:00pm) as well as continuing to eat right and mentally kicking my ass into gear.

I also have to start drinking more water . . . starting to realize I don't do that enough during the day. Good thing I have a plethora of Hello Kitty waterbottles to keep me going. Hahaha.

So. Progress. Slow, but happening. :)

Yay for recipes!

So, as promised, I bring you the recipe for the stuffed cabbage concoction that I made the other night! Now, if anyone feels like tweaking it, I'd love to hear what you added/omitted to see how you all love your stuffed cabbage! It really is super simple, less time consuming, and good, it even got Mama's seal of approval when I remembered to add the ketchup. Hahaha. 

The ketchup that I'm using is the Heinz Reduced Sugar ketchup, which, honestly, doesn't taste any different than their regular ketchup, but it only has 1 gram of carbs. At first, it took me a while to hunt it down, because it apparently used to be called "Heinz 1 Carb Ketchup" 

There's what the bottle looks like. Obviously, you don't have to hunt for the reduced carb ketchup if you have a huge bottle of regular in the house, but overall it's just a new staple in my diet, it's a super easy way to cut carbs without really having to think too hard about it.

Also, I prefer to use the portabella mushrooms in this recipe as opposed to the white mushrooms, simply because of the meaty taste they have. Some people aren't a huge fan of ground turkey, but by adding the mushrooms, I feel like it adds that taste that doesn't even make you think twice about whether it's beef or poultry. So, without further adieu, on to the directions!

Not-So-Stuffed Cabbage

Ingredients

1 tbsp olive oil

1 lb ground turkey

1 medium (ish) onion, diced

1/2 head of savoy cabbage (the wrinkly kind), sliced

1 pint portabella mushrooms, roughly chopped

1/4 cup water

1 can (14.5 oz) diced tomatoes

1 can (6 oz) tomato paste

1/4 cup reduced sugar ketchup

Parsley

Salt and Pepper to taste

Now! On to directions! Woo!

1. Cut your veggies

Cut the half of the cabbage in half again, and remove the core.



Then, I lay it back on it's side, slice it in half again horizontally:

And lastly, slice it into strips

The onions, I just do a quick dice on, and the mushrooms I give a rough chop so they're not so huge.

2. Smear the oil and brown your turkey!

Because I used a larger braising pan this time around, it's not non-stick. If you're using a non-stick pan, you can choose to omit the olive oil. And because I'm always worried that it's not enough oil, I actually used a rubber spatula to smear the oil around the pan before turning the heat on, that way I know I have even coverage.

Add the meat, and let it do it's thing on medium-high. :)

2. Turn the heat down and add the onions
 

Turn the flame/cooktop down to a medium/medium-low temp and add the onions in, letting them sweat it out a bit. After they're semi-translucent and yummy smelling, proceed to numero 3!

3. Add cabbage, mushrooms and water. Cover and let simmer, stirring occasionally.

Go ahead, toss it in, give it a tiny stir (if you can . . . I have a habit of making a mess though, so I pretty much just lightly pushed it around after this trying to make it all stay in the pan). Cover, and let simmer for about 15 minutes, I'd say, stirring every few minutes or so as the cabbage starts to cook. The water just helps the cabbage to get that steaming without worrying about the cabbage or any other ingredients sticking to the pan.

Here it is after it's cooked down a little bit:

4. Add diced tomatoes, tomato paste, ketchup, parsley, salt and pepper.

Once the cabbage is mostly cooked, you can go ahead and toss all the remaining ingredients in, let it heat up and cook the cabbage until your desired tenderness, and that's it! You're done!

5. Eat up, and enjoy. :)

 Calorie wise, for those who are counting:

4 servings - 390 calories

Now, how you serve this is honestly up to you. For now, I just put it in a bowl and eat it as is, being on an essentially carb-free diet. However, I can imagine that served over a bed of brown rice, or if you feel like splurging, a bed of mashed potatoes would be awesome. And as far as how much it makes, it really depends on how you serve it. If you do choose to serve it over rice or potatoes, then you could definitely make it 4 servings no problem. If it's all your eating though, like I do, it's about 2 and a snack size serving. Haha. 

So. I really hope you find this much easier than making standard stuffed cabbage, and enjoy it as much as I do! Good luck, and let me know how it turns out!

All hail the turkey burger! . . . And other things!

Whelp, my faithful followers, it's the (almost) end of week one! (Insert mini-victory dance right about here.)

Believe it or not, it has been the less annoying, stressful, downright pitiful first dieting week I've had in a looong time, and yes, there's been a lot of firsts. Haha. Why do I say this though? Simply because I've never been so motivated, even though it's only day six. Generally, this is where I hit the "Jesus. Enough of the damn vegetables! " stage. I know, so soon.

Anywho. I've been finding myself balancing between getting creative every few nights, with things we just have in the house, and just grabbing yogurt/eating a turkey burger (sans bun, obviously).

Actually, I'm quite in love with how easy it is to throw a turkey burger on the grill and have something tasty that's nothing but pure protein (essentially). I had that and one of these spinach souffle things that are delicious for dinner, but I think I'm gonna have to limit the spinach things to once/twice a week - only because they do have a bit of potato and rice flour in them. Not that it's SUPER cheating, considering it's mainly spinach and egg, but it still feels like baby-cheating. 

One thing I've really been playing with is cabbage. Personally? I friggin' love cabbage. Always have. St. Patty's day is like, heaven for me. All of the cabbage. It actually started when I wasn't feeling well and mom told me to make some soup, but I didn't quite want soup. I ended up making cabbage-turkey soup with ground turkey, savoy cabbage (it's the one that looks all wrinkly), chicken broth, salt, pepper, parsley and dried chives. That was it! And it was actually really good, hit the spot just right and even made me feel significantly better later that night. 

The other night I still had this half a head of the cabbage laying about in the fridge, so I thought to myself . . . why don't I make something like stuffed-cabbage, without the rice? So I did! It was actually REALLY good. Unfortunately, when you're on this type of diet, you have to make it mass quantity, because I made a 10 inch skillet full of it, and at half of it by myself, no problem. Haha. Upside - It's all veggies and protein! (For those of you looking for the recipe, I'll post it on here once I get everything written down and figured out for sure.)

Another thing that I really want to talk about is a term that I've just recently been told about: Thinspo. Now. From what I've been told, it has a generally negative connotation because the concept primarily revolves around wonderfully healthy, beautiful girls who are already a healthy size, craving to be in a size 00. No joke, one post I saw on Tumblr about it was a girl wishing she could see her ribs, or another girl wanted that triangle that scary-skinny girls get between their cooter and their thighs, so their thighs never actually touch. Some of it's just straight-up horrible, but some girls do it right. 

I believe there was an Aussie girl who was somewhere up near the 230 range who had successfully dropped down to 135 (the healthy way), but she posted all of her "thinspo" things on her Tumblr too. 

The whole concept is that you just post things that inspire you to be thin - thinspiration, or, thinspo. 

My shameless thinspo? 

Lady Gaga, as seen in Marry the Night and Bad Romance. Holy wow. 

Judge as you will, I can't give a what. Love the girl, no matter how bat-shit crazy she may be. Here's what I'm talkin' about though: 

Super image heavy, I know, but do you all see what I'm talking about? I don't know how photoshopped she is in her own music videos, but even when she's bent completely backwards and lying down, you only see a hint of ribs. And her arms? They aren't disgustingly skinny. Or the shot of her in the red outfit - there's no visible pelvic bones there. She doesn't look scary. She's got a decent amount of meat on her. Now, I know my body is not Lady Gaga's body, but I can at least aspire to look close. 

I want to be thin, and fit. Not a stick. I've got new tunes to rock out to, and a whole lot of excerise routines to keep me going. I also understand that this is a serious undertaking. Lady Gaga, in the Bad Romance video, I believe was about 5'3" and 120 pounds. That's actually really healthy for her. For 5'4", which I know I am, the healthy weight is between 108 and 132, depending on frame size. At the moment, if I can even make it to 135 by April, I'll be over the moon. We'll see. I know that I've got my work cut out for me, and there's no such thing as cutting corners here. If I'm gonna do this, I have to do it the right way, and really stick to my guns. 

Luckily, I've found that writing in my personal journal every night really does keep me on top of things. It also keeps the super-bitchy comments away from the internet and all to me onesies. Anywho. Sorry for the super long blog! Just thought I'd share what's going on so far. :)

Oh, and? 160. Progress is happening. :)

Oh. Hey, 2012!

Well. If it isn't that time of year again! Time for empty promises to myself and a few weeks of endless hours in the gym, right? Then we'll call it quits, right? Because, let's face it. Being fit is time, energy and money sapping.

Well. As much as that may be true, I'm on a mission to avoid that. I've already proven to myself that the goal is possible, albeit time consuming and hardcore. However, I'm officially armed with the means to say "there's no reason why I can't stick to my guns this time." We got an Xbox for the family for Christmas, which now means that

1. I don't have to fight with my brother to use his to use my Kinect
2. I can finally work out in the morning without having to take a whole gym bag to school with me - I can just work out at home
3. There's  no excuse for me not to work out anymore. It's all right here, at home. I've got my yoga ball, dumbells, and my Kinect which has all sorts of cardio games, as well as the "YourShape" game, which is nothing but workout programs.

All that being said, the 17 day diet has commenced once more! I'll be posting weekly updates here, whereas all of my bitching will be contained to a personal daily journal. :) Also, some serious consideration is being put into pairing up with another friend who's doing the Master Cleanse about a vlog to really keep us motivated. Lots of stuff coming in 2012, that's for sure!

Start weight: 162
Goal weight: 132

Goal date: April 2012

Let's do this. :)