Nothing in excess.

I just need a moment to bitch. Okay? Okay.

So. Yesterday, it was an average day. Nothing too big going on, nothing too fun either. I eat my meals as per usual throughout the day, and then I get home.

Now, it's 6:00. Normally, that's dinner time for me, but we can't eat for another hour yet because dad is out picking up some stuff. Since we were having a shrimp dish, mom didn't want us to overcook the shrimp. So I'm in the kitchen, cooking away, dicing up some peppers, snapping some asparagus, and my stomach growling at me. I look in the fridge and I see leftover pizza. I know I shouldn't have, but it was something I had been craving the entire day. So I took the plate out, Cara had a piece, I had a piece, and mom had a piece. Not huge slices, just like, a square. Then there's more sitting on the plate. I honestly could have eaten the whole damn thing, but I didn't. I took another piece out, cut it in half, ate that half and put it back in the fridge. Self control sucks. 

After I ate my piece and a half of pizza though, I was still hungry. So, I had a fiber plus bar. I figured a little fiber would help fill me up until dinner time. And I was wrong. 

I was so hungry, I had no idea what to eat that wouldn't break the calorie bank, so I looked in the fridge, saw that I had some cauliflower cut up in there, grabbed the container, got out my 2 tablespoons of light ranch dressing and high-tailed it out of the kitchen. I sat in the chair while we watched some TV and just munched on my cauliflower until all was right in my world. Was I happy that I couldn't have more pizza? Definitely not, but I realized that I had had my fill of fatty foods and needed to find an alternative. Was I full, and not tempted to tear the kitchen apart afterwards? Yes. And I was thankful for that.

So here's the bitching part:

We're sitting at the table, and since I basically ate dinner before we actually had dinner, I didn't eat too much. I was genuinely full by the time I finished the bit that I put on my plate, but there was still a lot of leftover. Also, there was a lot of leftover mac n' cheese on the table. My Pop has to eat soft foods for now, and Cara doesn't like asparagus, so we made them a baby bowl of mac n' cheese. Well, Cara had eaten what she wanted, Pop ate all he could, and there was still about a whole serving left in there. I thought Pop could have it the next day for lunch, if he wanted it.

But someone at the table started picking at it. Even after they had already eaten a whole plate of the low-calorie dinner I made. One scoop turned into two scoops, which then turned into leaving only one scoop left in the bowl. Someone else at the table turned to them and said "Stay out of that, you don't need it."

What did the other person reply with? "Stop that. Yes I do."

Need.

If you need something, you best be near dying. I know what it's like to need food. I survived on 50 cent pasta in Europe, and ate as little as humanly possible just to get through the day. So when it came time for dinner, I needed something in my system that would help me get through the night. I understood what true hunger was then, and I have great respect for what I'm given these days, and how to notice when there is too much of something in front of me. Granted, when I came back from Europe, I went on a slight indulging spree (hence the extra 20 pounds), because I had missed those foods terribly. Now that reality's kicked back in though, it's not hard to be grateful for what I have, and the choices I'm allowed to make. 

Last night pissed me off. The person honestly said to me "My indulgent days are over" less than 48 hours ago, and then they're at the kitchen table telling my whole family that they need that extra serving of mac n' cheese. Did I have my fork in it? Yes. I had about two bites worth, because I wanted two bites. I wanted to taste it, I wanted to savor the yummy, cheesy goodness that was my mother's mac n' cheese, but I didn't need it. 

On top of that, if you needed food so bad, why waste the calories on the mac n' cheese (especially when your indulgent days are over)? Why not have some of the shrimp, asparagus and peppers that were in a huge bowl on the table? We had so much leftover of that, that we're actually having it again for dinner tonight. 

I used to be obsessed with food. To the point of where that person was, saying I needed things. I'm so grateful for the fact that I will never be placed in their shoes ever again, because I now know better, because I have their example and my experiences in Italy to live by. I was honestly pissed about that last night. And it's hypocritical behavior like that that just drives me up a friggin' wall. 

Aristotle said that the only way to be happy, was to make sure you had nothing in excess. That doesn't just mean wealth, either. It means no extreme poverty, no extreme starvation, no extreme wealth . . . nothing to the extremes. Be happy, but be real about it.

My children will know that, just as I am teaching my family that. Be fucking grateful for the life we've been given, for the choices we are allowed to make, and for the food that is placed before us. Be humble enough to no over indulge, to pinch every penny, and to give to those who need it more than you. It's okay to want, and it's okay to need, but be able to recognize when when need just becomes extreme want. 

That was my lesson yesterday.